A special summer afternoon

Today was a very special afternoon spent in joyful appreciation of the people I love most in the world. Leslie, Anika, Sasha and I went to the serene Hedgeley Dene Gardens in Malvern East where we were met by my friend Bek.

Bek is an incredibly talented photographer, as well as being one of the most honest, accepting and down to earth people that you could ever hope to meet. Kate first introduced me to Bek over two years ago. They'd known each other from dark days spent working in the financial sector many moons ago. I'm proud to say that I knew her before she became the well-known professional portrait photographer that she is now. Anika, baby Sasha and I were at Kate's birthday just after Sasha was born, and Bek was snapping away with her camera throughout the afternoon, blending into the action so much that we didn't really notice what she was doing at the time. A few weeks later, she casually sent us some of the pictures she took that day and from the first glance we were all in complete and absolute awe of the precious, emotive, evocative moments she had 'casually' captured that day.

Baby Sasha and her adoring mummy 

Aunty Janelle in awe of her new god-daughter

What was this woman doing working part time in a pharmacy? If she had the eye to capture such beautiful images, and the heart to sense such special moments, it seemed absurd that she did not call herself a photographer. We felt like we stumbled across some invaluable untapped resource - someone who thought herself a lump of coal when in fact she was a sparkling diamond.

Soon afterwards, as word spread, Bek set up her photography business and has not looked back - she is in demand all over Melbourne and is not only spending her days doing what she loves, but is helping people to create special memories of their lives and loved ones - a very special job indeed.

Bek has created some truly unforgettable moments for me - especially those that capture my love and adoration for little Sasha, like this one, taken on her first birthday.

Today was no exception. With Anika and Sasha visiting Melbourne I wanted nothing more than to hold them close and create some happy memories I could treasure in their absence. I was so proud just sitting back and admiring the bright little person my Sasha has become. She delights in being outdoors in the sun and her little legs gave me a real run for my money as we hopped like rabbits around the park. It was also beautiful to see the special relationship that she and Anika share, which I have noticed more and more each time I've seen them. I've never seen a mother and daughter so delighted as when they are in each other's company - their shared language, their imaginative games, their secret world. Their utter adoration for each other is plain to see and I feel privileged to be able to share in even the smallest part of it. I treasure the moments I have spent witnessing this special bond, but today, especially, I found it painful. I realised how much I have longed for that very kind of connection, how close I came to experiencing it with my own child, and how quickly and cruelly it was all snatched away. I feel further away than ever from that dream. I grieve already for the thought that it may never be mine.

Though I may have cried for what I felt was missing, Bek did an amazing job of making sure that my little boy was not absent from these pictures of my life. Leslie and I took a cutting from the rose plant we are growing in Max's honour, as well as a few of his little toys and photos, and we included them in our family photos. Though I wanted them to be proud, celebratory photos, I think that they will have more than a hint of sadness to them. I should have been having a pregnancy photo shoot right now, not using cut flowers and fluffy toys to fill the gap in the photos where my baby should be. I hope that they do capture the mixed feelings I experienced today because sadness will from now on always be a part of my joy; they are irrevocably intertwined. That bittersweet mix is my new reality, and I need to see this and accept it as part of the gift package of new feelings Max brought to me.

I can't wait to see the photos, and I'll be buying albums and frames this week in anticipation of how truly amazing they will be.

Thank you from the depths of my heart, Bek, for sharing your amazing gift with us. It means the world to me.