Daddy's Eulogy

I want to thank you all for coming to help us mourn little Max’s death and to help us celebrate his life.

Its been a long week for Janelle and I since we lost Max last Friday morning. It is easy to think of all the things that I have lost with Max. I won’t get to teach him how to ride a bike or kick a footy. I won’t get to scare away the monsters under his bed. I won’t get to see him fall in love or even smile. I won’t get to pick him up and give him a cuddle after he scrapes his knee. I won’t get to help him discover himself, the person that he was meant to be. I won’t get to see him become a man.

My only solace is that in his 5 short hours Max was loved, protected and cared for. For every second. He never experienced anger or impatience. He was never alone. Never lonely. He spent his whole life surrounded by people who loved him. We should all be so lucky.

I’m so sorry that so few people got to meet our Max, so I thought you might like to know a bit about him. Kate and Janelle think that Max has my lips and Janelle’s cheekbones. I’ve never been good at that game of picking out features of children from each of the parents, especially not facial features.

He has my feet though, great big paddles - they are like flippers. He isn’t small either. The midwives said before he was born he would probably weigh around 500 grams, but he topped the scales at almost 700. I’ll take credit for the genes and Janelle can take the nurturing and nutrition I reckon. I think he had both our fingers though, long and slender.

The other thing I’m sure of is that he has Janelle’s heart, those of you who know her well will know that Janelle’s heart is pretty much her defining characteristic. The midwives said before he was born that his heart might keep beating for a few hours. Just a few. But Max showed them. Even though he stopped breathing shortly after he was born his heart continued on for five hours. Surely only his mother’s heart could be so big and strong.

I’m so proud of Janelle. Whilst grieving is a very individual and personal thing, everything that I have gone through she goes through as well, but she has a physical side to the experience that I can never appreciate. I’m sure that those of you that know her as well as I do will agree that she is far stronger than she realises. I hope that somewhere down the line she will learn this lesson, maybe Max will be the one to teach her. In spite of all that has happened, I am more in love with her than I ever have been and I cant imagine a life without her.

I have always tried to live my life in such a way that the world is a better place for having had me in it. I don’t claim to be a Fred Hollows or Mother Teresa but I do believe that in my small way I do my part. I wanted to teach Max this philosophy too. I never really cared or thought about what he would do when he grew up, so long as he was happy and made others happy. That would have been good enough for me. The cards have fallen in such a way that Max won’t be able to act as a positive influence on the world. I think that he can still fulfill my dreams for him, but I think I’m going to need all of your help.

I hope that you can all see the love that Janelle and I have for Max and the grief and the anguish for his loss. I want you to embrace and absorb these feelings and take them home with you. Take them home with you and appreciate what you have just that little bit more. You are all good people. Janelle and I wouldn’t have invited you if you weren’t, so I’m sure you already do. I want you to take these feeling home and appreciate and love what you have just that little bit more. Just a little bit. Especially your children, if you are lucky enough to have them.

Thank you.