Scientific proof that our babies will always be a part of us? It’s a nice thought, at any rate.
Showing posts with label link. Show all posts
Showing posts with label link. Show all posts
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
20 Things every Angel Mum wants you to know
20 Things every Angel Mum wants you to know
I completely understand that a lot of people do not know what to say to someone who has just lost a child. There are no words that will make it better or make the pain go away. After all, it’s an unimaginable pain and one that most don’t want to even contemplate let alone try and empathise with. This wish list was obviously put together by someone who has been where I have been as it expresses so many of the same needs and feelings as I’ve had as I’ve not only dealt with Max’s death, but dealt with people’s many and varied reactions to it and to me.
Some rare and wonderful people have said the most perfect things that have touched my heart. I know many others have tried their very best, and even if their responses have unintentionally hurt me or made me angry (such as comments about Max’s death being god’s will, or god needing him more, or how lucky I am to now have an angel looking down on me), I’ve known that their sentiments are intended to spare me pain, even if they’ve missed the mark.
Others still have said nothing, and this I find this the hardest to deal with of all. I know it’s hard, but it can’t possibly be as hard to say ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ or ‘I don’t know what to say’ as it is for me to have to interact with people who will not acknowledge my son or my pain and continue on as if life has not changed. As one woman I know has said, “friends that chose to stick their head rather than open their hearts to be there for me, well those friendships have fallen apart and that has broken my heart just a little further in a time when it was already shattered.”
For these reasons, this list really resonated with me. I feel like since the funeral no one has really wanted to talk about Max or what happened, even though I have tried so hard to make them feel comfortable to do so because I need and want to talk about it. I feel a bit like I’m that weird woman that people don’t want to be around because she constantly talks about her dead baby and freaks them out, scares them, or confronts them with reminders of their own or their children’s mortality.
In short, if you are reading this blog because you care about me, please read this list and know that you can help me just by being aware of these few small things that can make so much difference.
I completely understand that a lot of people do not know what to say to someone who has just lost a child. There are no words that will make it better or make the pain go away. After all, it’s an unimaginable pain and one that most don’t want to even contemplate let alone try and empathise with. This wish list was obviously put together by someone who has been where I have been as it expresses so many of the same needs and feelings as I’ve had as I’ve not only dealt with Max’s death, but dealt with people’s many and varied reactions to it and to me.
Some rare and wonderful people have said the most perfect things that have touched my heart. I know many others have tried their very best, and even if their responses have unintentionally hurt me or made me angry (such as comments about Max’s death being god’s will, or god needing him more, or how lucky I am to now have an angel looking down on me), I’ve known that their sentiments are intended to spare me pain, even if they’ve missed the mark.
Others still have said nothing, and this I find this the hardest to deal with of all. I know it’s hard, but it can’t possibly be as hard to say ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ or ‘I don’t know what to say’ as it is for me to have to interact with people who will not acknowledge my son or my pain and continue on as if life has not changed. As one woman I know has said, “friends that chose to stick their head rather than open their hearts to be there for me, well those friendships have fallen apart and that has broken my heart just a little further in a time when it was already shattered.”
For these reasons, this list really resonated with me. I feel like since the funeral no one has really wanted to talk about Max or what happened, even though I have tried so hard to make them feel comfortable to do so because I need and want to talk about it. I feel a bit like I’m that weird woman that people don’t want to be around because she constantly talks about her dead baby and freaks them out, scares them, or confronts them with reminders of their own or their children’s mortality.
In short, if you are reading this blog because you care about me, please read this list and know that you can help me just by being aware of these few small things that can make so much difference.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Miracle workers
Miracle workers
An amazing specialist in maternal/foetal medicine at the Mercy Hospital for Women in Heidelberg.
Monday, December 19, 2011
A mother's tale of premature twins
A mother's tale of premature twins
This article, published in Britain’s The Observer in 2009, charts the experience of a woman who gave birth to extremely premature twins and the conflict that occurred between her wishes and the advice of medical staff, raising the question of who has the right to make treatment decisions in this kind of situation.
Article asks 'are we always right to save premature babies?'
Article asks 'are we always right to save premature babies?'
I’ve been reading anything I can get my hands on regarding premature labour and other babies born at 23 weeks, the so-called ‘threshold of viability’, as Max was. I’ll post anything that I find interesting, comforting, distressing or just thought-provoking as a way of tracking the different kinds of stories that are out there.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
What Max might have been like...
What Max might have been like...
I’m not an avid believer in horoscopes, but I must admit I was pleased to discover that I was pregnant with a Pisces child - a fellow water sign who I hoped would be sensitive and creative like me. If Max had lived, though, he would have been a Sagittarian in the end and probably driven his quiet father and I mad with his youthful, extroverted ways (if this website is anything to go by). I know it sounds silly to attach to him a personality based on something as trifling as astrology, but it has dawned on me that those imaginings are all I will ever know of my child, and so I keep looking for things like this to tell me what he might have been like.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
White Lady Funerals
White Lady Funerals
Max’s funeral service was handled with care and compassion by Debra at White Lady Funerals in Heidelberg. I rang the day he died, having no idea what to say. Luckily, she did. I managed only one sobbing sentence, but that was enough. With the least amount of effort on my part, she took over the arrangements and just clearly told me what I needed to do. With her help, we organised a service that went exactly as we hoped it would. We could not have asked for anything more.
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