Four months old

Here she is, the four-month-birthday girl, doing what four-month-birthday girls do best - showing off the gummy smile she's had plastered all over her face ever since she figured out she had muscles controlling that thing her parents kept calling a 'mouth'.

Alice is, without a doubt, the happiest baby I have ever, ever had the pleasure to know. I'm not even going to preface it with a 'so far....' or a 'touch wood' anymore, as I have been until now. I'm simply going to call it as it is. She is happy all the time, so long as she's got a full tummy, someone/something to play with, and is swaddled up tightly when she is tired. This baby self-settles most of the time. She plays happily on her play mat by herself while I have a shower or make lunch or go outside to check the mail. The first thing she does upon waking is to great you with a beaming face. She smiles with her eyes, this one. Even the tiniest sliver of a grin is enough to make you think your heart is about to literally explode from joy.

You get the feeling, talking to other parents, that you're supposed to apologise if you're having a relatively easy time of it as a new mother. Truth be told, in an attempt to fit in, I sort of had to make up issues I was having with her at my parents group so that I could actually participate in the session. I didn't want to be stabbed in the eye, which is what I feel could happen if some other mothers of four-month-old babies knew that I've never once had to walk the hallway with an inconsolable infant, nor had to ring the maternal/child health advice line in the midst of a 2am fit of despair. 

Alice is just....well...she's just a joyful little girl. And she's mine. And no, you can't have her! 

I wonder if other people's 'rainbow' babies are as peaceful and easygoing as Alice is. Is it a trait shared by subsequent children who somehow know that their anxious parents need some calm in their lives? Or is it because she takes after her daddy, who is about the calmest, most emotionally stable person I know? Perhaps she knows how precious her life is, and came here to earth pre-packaged to make the most of every moment. Whatever the reason, she certainly does that. I have never felt so happy as when I am in her jolly company. She is everything I could ever have dreamed of. I know that sounds cliched, but she really just is. I can't think of a better way to say it.

At four-months-old, Alice has really started to come into her own. We have a real sense that we are not dealing with a helpless newborn anymore but a little lass with ideas and a will of her own. Someone's definitely switched the lights on in there, you can see it in her eyes. It is amazing to start getting real glimpses of the person inside, the person we will get to know better than anyone else in the world. Just this week she has figured out how to reach out and grasp the toys hanging from her play gym. To watch her concentrate, and frown, and try and try again, and then to see the look of glee on her face when she finally catches her favourite little elephant friend is just amazing. She's absolutely obsessed with that little guy. No other toy can compete with him! I'm not sure if it is the elephant per se that interests her so, or just that he's at the right height or angle for her to most easily interact with. I'm going to try and move the toys around to different positions to test the theory...

Alice is rapidly outgrowing the swaddling stage of her infant-hood, alas. There is no swaddle she cannot get out of, and as soon as her arms are out she's wide awake and wanting to get out of that style-cramping bassinet. We're thinking we'll have to start to transition her to a sleeping bag but whenever we've tried she sleeps fitfully and for only short stretches. That's fine during the day, but we're really trying to get a decent amount of sleep at night so it's not an ideal situation. Perhaps we need to try a few different types of sleeping bags, but those things aren't cheap, so we'd kind of rather not buy a bunch that she then refuses to sleep in!

I have being doing lots of baby massage with her and I can sense that she really enjoys it now. I smother her in sweet almond oil every day and we use the time to sing little songs and talk about our day. It really is one of the nicest times of my day. Just taking the time to actually sit down and focus on just that one thing has been really good for me, too. I make sure the room is warm and we are both comfortable and cosy and we spend about 20 minutes at a time after she's fed and happy. My favourite part of her to massage is her feet. A baby's feet have to be the softest, most delicate skin you could ever hope to feel. And the toes...well, there are no words for the toes, are there? Cute doesn't even come close. They are so teeny-tiny that it is hard to believe they are real. But real they are. She has her daddy's feet - long and skinny. And, she has Max's feet. His looked so much like hers do, just much smaller. I can't wait until she is old enough to turn this massage ritual into a reciprocal arrangement...

Speaking of extremities, Alice has rather large hands, I think. All the better to explore the world with, I say. She has long, long fingers. I think she gets that from me. Lots of people have called them piano fingers. Musical aptitude is a shared family trait on my side, at least, so I really hope she is able to find pleasure and joy in being able to play an instrument one day.

The past month has been quite eventful. I took her to Tasmania for a long weekend to meet some of her extended family. It was her first time on a plane, and her first time away from home since she left the hospital. She coped brilliantly with the flight, and with the changes to her routine. I will write more about our trip soon. We had such a lovely time.

Perhaps her most amazing achievement of late is that she has, on at least a couple of separate occasions, done that thing they call 'sleeping through the night'. One of the nights we were away, after an especially busy day, she slept from 8pm until 5am. I woke up in an absolute panic, not knowing what the hell had happened. Had I fed her overnight and not remembered? Were the clocks wrong and playing tricks on me? Had I been so tired that I slept through her crying and left her starving for hours until she cried herself back to sleep? No. None of those things. She had just had a really damn good rest, the dear little thing. She didn't repeat it afterwards until last night, almost two weeks since that time, when I put her down about 10pm and didn't hear from her until 5am again. Strangely enough, on both occasions, although I got more sleep than I've had in months, I felt quite under the weather the next day. I felt less rested, if anything, even though I had many more hours sleep. That doesn't seem right. Or fair. Does it?

She has finally grown into (and actually, almost out of) all of her 000-sized clothes and is getting to be quite a heavy baby! I'm not sure how much she weighs at present, but we will find out at her four-month check up later this week. My guess is that she is pushing 6kg - twice her birth weight!

She is so much stronger when she's on her tummy now, too. She can hold herself up quite high and I don't think it will be long before she can roll from her front to her back. She's definitely trying. She absolutely loves having a chance to kick her legs around, and especially when she's not wearing any nappy or clothes! She's got quite a bit of power behind her now and is able to push herself off from the end of her bassinet, or from your lap if you are not careful. She's a little kangaroo, ready to jump. In the middle of the night I often find her at the opposite end of her bassinet, although she's not going to be able to do that for much longer as she's almost outgrown it!

She's very, very interested in the world around her and likes nothing better than people watching. She used to love being carried around in the hugabub but now she squirms and struggles to get out so she can turn around and see what is going on. I need to investigate if there is an option to carry her forward facing so she can get the best of both worlds! She is quick to smile at new friends and has her eye on everything that is happening around her. We had to attend a funeral this past week and I'm afraid to say Alice thought it was pretty much the best day ever. A room full of people wearing black and white contrasting colours (it was the funeral of a Collingwood supporter!) who were all really glad to see a baby, I think, in their sadness. I've never seen a face more joyful at a funeral than Alice's that day!

Because of her increasing social awareness, Alice is also getting difficult to feed if we are away from home. I breastfeed her perfectly happily at home but if we are out she latches on and off constantly, even if she's starving. Then she usually screams all the way home in the car because she is hungry! I often have to resort to feeding her a bottle when we are out, which I'm trying desperately not to do, as I already have supply issues and have been trying to wean her from supplements pretty much for 8 weeks now. It is not easy! Especially since I have some real confidence issues when it comes to breastfeeding, after a very rocky start to the whole process. She is not showing any interest in eating or any curiosity about food yet, which is good, as I'm not ready for a new stage yet! I'm still catching up with the fact that she is not a newborn anymore!

I really wish I could find more time at the moment to write here. This post has been more about getting all of the 'facts' down somewhere rather than really thinking about what the last month has been like, which I'm disappointed about. But hey, it's better than nothing, right? More soon - hopefully!